The Tongue

(By Jen, 10 min)

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls” (James 1:19-21).

“We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness corrupting the entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so, blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! (James 3:3-10).

We all remember the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” right? It was a gentle reminder to us as children not to allow the mean words of others to get under our skin. If someone called us a bad name, it was after all “just a word”. Just a word is such a strong statement, however, that minimizes the sheer power of words.

When presidential candidates and world leaders have their speeches written, their words are carefully selected and put together to persuade us. How can we affirm the power of words in a speech but discount the power of words in our daily lives? We live in a worldly culture that is quick to complain; quick to react; quick to post; quick to gossip; quick to judge; and quick to mislead. As I grow and mature in life and in my faith, I have become more sensitive to the power of words. The power of what we say and the power of what we don’t say. Both have the ability to inspire, encourage and comfort and conversely, both have the power to fracture, divide, and hurt.

James provides some very powerful words. Over the course of my walk with the Lord, I have found that I am nothing without the Holy Spirit. I can be emotional, reactive, and misunderstood – especially if my ego is bruised or I am hurt by someone else. Before I was set on my faith journey many years ago, I operated from my emotions and it wasn’t too pretty. When someone talked to me, I was already thinking of what I was going to say, how I would counter what that person was saying, and rarely did I ever truly “hear” and understand what the other person was saying. Instead of being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,” I was quick to take offense, quick to react, and barely listened.

I am confident that I am not the only person that has struggled with what James is talking about in these verses. When we come from a self-righteous place, we run the risk of causing division, discouraging others, and causing others to stumble. When we allow the Holy Spirit to guide our words and our actions/reactions, we are better able to open up our minds to others and seek to understand them first and then use wisdom, discernment, and self-control when responding. Sounds pretty simple, right? But it is not.

I am a work in progress in this area – so much better than I was – so much further to go. I am definitely not going to be posting on my instragram, #James1and3crushedit, anytime soon. I don’t know who out there needs to hear these words, or who feels challenged in this area, but I would like to share how I manage my tongue when my emotions are perched on the tip of it.

1. Am I highly emotional? If I am, I pray that the Holy Spirit quiets me. Usually, nothing but poison, venom and toxicity leaks out when I give my emotions free-range.
2. Is what I am about to say encouraging or edifying? If my words are not encouraging and not righteous (notice how I did not say self-righteous), I try to stay quiet.
3. Is what I am about to say passive-aggressive or intentionally hurtful? This has been my weakness throughout my lifetime and the one I work on the most. Intentionality. If I am feeling mean—spirited, I literally bite my tongue. If I go in with the intentionality of “you hurt me, so I am going to hurt you,” then I am definitely not glorifying God.
4. Have I really thought about what I want to say? Usually, my gut reaction is not a good one. Why? Because it is coming from an emotional place, not a Godly place. If I give myself time and space, I can rationalize my thoughts and respond in a kind and Godly way.
5. Is what I am about to say a reflection of God’s truth or a selfish desire to be heard? That is a tough one, but when we immerse ourselves in The Word, we can begin to delineate between God’s truth and our own.
6. Am I seeing this person the way God sees them? For me, it really helps to look at someone and imagine how God sees that person. That person is also a child of God and God loves that person too. I have found that softens my heart as well.
7. Am I meeting this person where they are or where I want them to be? My job is not to fix others; that is God’s work. My responsibility is meeting people right where they are and trying to understand them.
8. Will my words, advice, response lead a fellow brother or sister in Christ to stumble in their faith? Our words can be misleading, even if we don’t intend them to be. Trying to stay true to God’s truth is quite a responsibility.
9. Do I need to say anything right now? Sometimes silence is a precious gift that we can give another who is sharing their heart with us. Our silence indicates our level of engagement in what they are saying (whether we like it or not), and our desire to fully understand their side. The fine line here is that our silence could also rob us of a moment that we may never get back to share something. Seeking God in these moments is sublimely important.
10. I ask myself, what would Jesus do? Our Lord wants us to be kind, compassionate, gentle, good, patient, understanding and he wants us to practice self-control. He wants us to encourage, build-up, edify, teach, affirm, and love. Our tongues can do all of those things.

Lately, I have been extremely emotional upon having to put our 14-year-old family dog down. My grief of losing him has brought to the surface many emotions and some of them are not too pretty. My grief has opened wounds that I thought were healed.

So, I speak today from of place of being challenged. The Lord is encouraging my silence. He is encouraging me to listen to the pain and grief of my family members and to be kind and compassionate. He is encouraging me to allow others to comfort me and He is giving me strength to comfort others. He is encouraging me to meet others where they are in their grief and gifting me with the ability to not take offense to other’s emotions. I am leaning in and being comforted.

Sometimes in my silence – especially when I have something “not so nice” hanging out on the tip of my tongue, I can feel this slight pressure on my forearm – I know it is the Holy Spirit dwelling within, but I like to believe that Jesus is sitting next to me, placing his hand on my forearm and saying, “it’s not the time.” I am obedient to that.

If this is your area of challenge, I pray that my ongoing journey helps you in your journey and that you know you are not alone in your struggle of taming your tongue.

Jen