Beauty for Ashes

(By Jen, 10 min)

I love art and music. I am a very right-brained gal – leaving all the left-brained work to my highly intelligent husband. I am deeply moved by music and artwork of all kinds. Christian music writers and artists simply blow my mind by how they can skillfully weave scripture into their songs, particularly churning out Old Testament scripture in a contemporary and applicable way for some of us to wrap our hearts around. Zach Williams is one such artist. His song “Heart of God” has become an anthem of mine.

“Cause there’s only love in the heart of God.

No room for shame in his open arms.

There’s beauty from ashes, so come as you are,

And there’s only love in the heart of God.

“Beauty from ashes” stuck with me, so I chose to do a little investigating which led me to Isaiah 61:3. “To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory”.

In Old Testament times, Isaiah was a prophet who brought news to the Jewish people. He tells the people to expect judgment and justice from God, but they could also expect love and favor from Him. Just like a parent, right? Who else can deliver judgment and justice while also pouring out love? But God takes it a step further. Even in the most horrible of circumstances, God promises to bring beauty from those circumstances and use it for His good and His Glory. And that is what I would like to ruminate on for a bit.

God promises to bring good from bad (in very simplistic terms), and that really speaks to me on a personal level. I got my first tattoo when I was a fully grown adult as a deliberate act of defiance. I was warned that once I got one tattoo, I would want more. Surprisingly, there was some truth to that. I have several now. Hmmm, go figure. I don’t know when it happened, but I began to document my faith journey in my tattoos starting with a lotus flower. My lotus flower (for me) has the “beauty for ashes” vibe that is hinted at in the Zach Williams song.

Lotus flowers can be seen in ponds, swamps, and muddy and murky water floating effortlessly on the surface – their soft buttery yellow or fragile pearl white petals reaching up towards the heavens. What many don’t know about these beautiful flowers is that they grow out of the murky muddiness and dirty water to rise above the surface extraordinarily beautiful; and at night, they sink back into the dirtiness only to rise again the next day, just as beautiful.

This reminds me of God’s mercies – they are new every single day (Lamentations 3:22-23). At a certain point in my life (well actually a decade), I was struggling. I took my life into my own hands and ran with it. I didn’t need God’s timing or His will, I suppose. I can imagine God kind of throwing up his hands and saying, “Alright, Jen. You go on ahead and try to do it your way. Let’s just see how that goes.” I can tell you right now- not so well. I hit some pretty dark and painful moments because of my self-will. But God is good and at just the right time (His time) He put the right people in my life that would lead me back to the path He had originally put me on.

Initially, I struggled with feeling like I was worthy of that redirection. When one feels shame, regret, remorse, and self-hatred it is extremely difficult to receive forgiveness, grace, love, and acceptance. A very close friend and a lotus flower (oddly) opened me up to receiving that of which God freely gives.

Forgiveness from unlikely places

I hurt a friend of mine beyond repair, or so I thought. I could make every excuse in the world, but what it boiled down to was that my actions were selfish, thoughtless, and essentially all about me and my wants. Ugh, even now, that sentence is hard to say. Not because it is hard to admit I was wrong, but more because it is hard to imagine the person I used to be.

This friend of mine – after a very long cooling period- showed me forgiveness and grace that I felt so undeserving of – however I quickly learned that she was showing me the forgiveness, grace, and love of Jesus. It was because of her deep reverence for Him that she was able to extend those things to me. Jesus brought beauty from ashes in her life and she extended that to me. Allow that to sink in because it is extremely accurate. When we have been extended grace from Jesus, it is easier to give that same grace to others and in fact, that is what we are called to do. I was moved, filled with gratitude and mystified all at the same time.

During this same time as well, I discovered yoga (that journey is for another post). But the short story is that yoga led me back to my faith and the lotus flower that I originally put on my arm. Because of yoga, it became one of the most important symbols to represent my journey back to my savior, Jesus Christ.

You will rarely ever see a lotus flower floating on a pond of crystal-clear water. Lotus flowers are famous for growing from muddy water and can withstand some challenging environments. The lotus flower became a metaphor for my life. I could come from darkness and rise above the surface with a heart of beauty. My past life choices, descent into darkness and chaos did not have to paralyze my potential to be the masterpiece God had planned for me to me. That simple flower became a symbol of hope for me. My previous mistakes did not have to hold me back from being good or define who I was.

I make it sound so simple; that I just came to this realization and was on my way to loving myself, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am still (over 10 years later) a work in progress. What I realized on that journey is that even though I had my friend’s forgiveness, and her friendship back, and even though I had this symbol of my own potentiality, I still had me to contend with. And almost everyone can identify with not being able to forgive oneself.

The last piece of the puzzle was the one that was most important and that was Jesus. I did not have the wherewithal to metamorphose myself – instead I needed to look to the one who could. The love he has for us is so vast, so beautiful, so limitless – it is overwhelming at times. Who are we to question ourselves as his beautiful creations? Who are we to question Him about how He made us? Ah, but that is for another writing.

Lotus out of muddy water. Beauty for (from) ashes. Anything is possible with Jesus. May anyone who reads this remember that rising from your own ashes is possible when you submit to the Lord and allow his gentle loving hand to guide you there and nothing is more beautiful than that. No matter how many times we sink back into the muddy water, Jesus is there each new day bringing his beautiful creation back to the surface. Jen