(By Jen, 5 min)
A Reflection on Trust
A while back, my husband and I were helping at a wedding and reception, doing the “behind the scenes” tasks. At one point during the service upstairs, a song was played in memory of a close family member who had passed away and was deeply missed on that special day. As I stood at the bottom of the steps listening to this beautiful country song, that was no doubt written by someone who was
grieving the loss of someone special, my husband came over, took me in his arms and danced with me. I was overcome with emotion. I know of so many people who grieve the loss of a loved one, whether it be their spouse, parents, child, best friend, relative or even a furry family member.
As my arms were wrapped around my husband, I couldn’t help but feel the brevity of life. We (in general terms) think we have forever, and we often act like it. I remember reading somewhere that every cigarette one smokes takes so many minutes off one’s normal lifespan. I think of all the cigarettes I smoked back in the day (I am 20 years smoke-free, by the way) and wonder how much time I have taken off my life because of that and shudder at the thought. But something that I am sure of is that we take precious moments away from our lives by over-complicating them with worry and flesh-based things. This over-complicating often results from our inability to trust that God has us and is working for us – in His time.
This begs the question: Do we really trust the Lord? That is a hefty question because the easiest answer as a believer, is a resounding “Yes, I do!” Easy words to say, but often our actions do not support our words. I have years of anecdotal proof that the Lord has shown up for me, even when I didn’t deserve it or trust in Him. As I look back, the Lord has guided me, disciplined me, withheld from me, blessed me, forgiven me, redeemed me, has never forsaken me, answered my prayers (in one way or another) and loved me unconditionally. And yet. “Yet“– the power-word of this two word statement.
When I am facing a difficult situation where things are not going the way I envision, I trust the Lord. And yet.
When my life becomes over complicated and no matter what I do to make it better, it doesn’t improve; I trust the Lord. And yet.
When one health situation is resolved and another takes its place with no rest in between, I trust the Lord. And yet.
When someone I love is taken from me or is facing a great life challenge, I trust in the Lord. And yet.
When I feel I have hit rock bottom, when I feel like I am at the end of my rapidly fraying rope about to detonate my circumstances all on my own to shake things up, I trust in the Lord. AND YET.
If I am being honest, I sometimes don’t trust the Lord. I want to, that is true. But I am also human and the fleshy part of me, the ground beneath me, gets a little shaky when I am called on to wait. When I am called on to be patient. When I am called to be Christ-like when it is contrary to the way I am feeling at any given moment. When I am called to be silent, when I have a myriad of words readying themselves to eject from my mouth.
Jesus said in John 16:33, that “in this life we [you] will have trouble.” Just because we are believers, it doesn’t mean that we are not going to face trials, tribulations and tragedies just like people who do not believe. What it does mean is that we have a loving God to turn to in these difficult times. A loving God who we can be vulnerable and raw with. A loving God who wants to stand next to us, walk before us, gently push us on, and carry us. A loving God who when we are weary, can and will carry our burdens and give us rest (Matthew 11:28). Yeah, that kind of God – a kind of God who has “overcome the world” (John 16:33). It is pretty amazing.
Yet. Maybe the “Yet” is part of the human condition which is meant to sanctify us as we get closer to our eternal home and closer to life eternal with the triune God. Each trial, each tribulation, each problem, each seemingly unanswered prayer, each concern and worry, is meant to mold us and shape us and reflect on the transforming work of the Lord, who goes before us, who leaves no stone unturned, who makes possible anything that seems impossible – in accordance with His will and for His glory.
For me, those are the things that grow me and my faith, as much as they frustrate me. Those are things where I feel the love of the Lord the most, especially when I look back and reflect. Each joy, each witnessed miracle, no matter how small or big become icing on the cake and serve as a sweet reminder that God blesses us with good stuff too.
It is natural for us to question. It is natural for us to search for answers. It is natural for us to get impatient; it is natural for us to doubt. It is natural for us to sometimes not trust. And yet…here I am dancing in the arms of someone who truly loves me.
Jen
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